Butterflies and stars

They called him star boy, and he was born on first month of year with two four and one zero. He was a lovely boy, now all grown up, but actually just a kid in a clothes of a man. Even he, himself, often didn’t believe in his own disguise.
It was Thursday, which felt like Tuesday when he was thinking about her again. Let’s talk about her now; she was butterfly girl, at least he called her so, it’s a stupid name, but we’ll use it for now. He knew her all his life, and all her life, sine they were almost the same age, with little insignificant difference (she was actually older, but he didn’t care). He didn’t noticed her, all his life, sure he saw her and know her name, but, never noticed her. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?

When he finally noticed her, he was kind of a old, and she was even older, but not too old, I (as a writer of this story) would say that they were at exactly the right age. She was not a kid anymore, but just a beautiful girl, such girl, which was noticed by many men. Men, of course, noticed her kind of differently than the star boy did; when they were looking her, they were undressing her, kissing her body and finally use her body as an object, into which they’ll go horny and came out happy.

“What a wonderful toy she would be”, they thought.

Some want her not just as a toy, but as a wife, they were saying, with their eyes:“I could made you happy!”

She was clever girl (or stupid, I’m not sure), so she understood, that all they want to do, is just made themselves happy, again she would be a toy, only this time, toy with more functions, and for whole life.

One some point, she meet someone, in whom eyes, she saw love (among other things), so she agreed to go out for a drink with him, and so the things go on, and she became an unmarried wife and loving toy in a life of a boy, who needed loving toy and who always wanted to marry with someone, without getting married.

The star boy, who didn’t saw her since childhood bump into her on that point, when she was luckily unmarried, a happy toy, in toy-boy’s life. He noticed her, and the way he noticed her, wasn’t with fire in his eyes, neither with idea of marriage, but rather with mist and secrets. He had no idea what he wants from her, and when he look into her eyes, he lost the thoughts and all was void. She catch his eyes and she didn’t noticed anything recognizable; she noticed in his eyes, only blurry images, I guess that’s why she was keep staring - trying to figure out something, to see something, but there was just mist, and she could conclude anything based on that.

But you as a reader now for sure thinking, how did they meet. I mean - you are person who live in a real world, you know that people don’t just meet and stare into each other’s eyes, without reason, that’s only in movies. So, they meet in store, there she was working, and there he go, to buy toothpaste with his last five euros - yes, that’s how it happened. Can you imagine - he put that toothpaste to the cashier and wanna pay it, and then he notice it’s she - the butterfly girl - and she, notice the boy, with blurry eyes in which she can’t see anything logical. And then, they’re just staring at each other, making an old lady with dog food, who was in line behind the boy, very impatient and nervous.

Well, that’s how it happened.

After he left, he was thinking a lot about her, well, not a lot, but occasionally, for sure. On March 12, he even had the first dreams about her - he dreamed, she was swimming in a lake - she was naked. He wanted to join her, but he didn’t wanted to take his clothes off, and, furthermore he remembered, he can’t swim at all. Right after that, he was on a train, which was leaving a city, very fast, and there was that lady with dog food too - she had dog with her - which was trying to bite him. Of course, after waking up, he didn’t know who the lady was, he though he dreamed about old lady with dog, but didn’t remember he saw her in store that day - with all that dog food, and rage in her eyes - no, no, all that he could remembered of that day, was butterfly girl, and all that matter of that dreams, was butterfly girl, naked.

Well, that made him brave, so he decided, he’ll go back to store, and so he did - on November 24. And, just his luck, he saw her again. — Before I continue, I must mention one thing - the star boy, he was odd, really - you’ll see, really odd. — So, he saw butterfly girl there, look into her eyes again, and saw, that there’s nothing. Her eyes, were ice cold, empty, blank - it was scary. So scary that he start running, - really running. Of course, you can imagine, the security personal in store was sure that the boy stole something, they run after him and catch him, - and it took a lot of time - to explain nothing was stolen, nothing, but his blurry and misty hope, the hope of something, even (or especially) he couldn’t understood at all.

The butterfly girl, thought, what a freaks coming to the store, freaks with mist in their eyes, who run away without a reason. She dreamed about him, though, and dreamed she was swimming in lake, naked, and he came, and saw her. She didn’t mind, she wanted him to join her, to see her - but he run away. Damn coward.

I once bought four yogurts - they seemed really delicious, I could have eaten them all at once. But don’t know why, I decided I’ll not eat them, I decided to save them instead. On some point they expired, so I couldn’t do anything else, but throw them away.

I once had a girlfriend, and oh, how I became bored with her. Lying in that bed, nothing to say or to do anymore. I just didn’t care if she’s there or not. Only when she said goodbye, I realized, how much was there, to share with her. But she was gone, for good.

I once had the youth, and oh, how I wanted to grow up — and so my youth has passed, don’t know when and how.

I once had the life. How much was there to do, to see and experience. I realized, I saw so clear, on some point, right before everything has passed, right before the expiration, right before, I was thrown away. And then, I was floating in infinity and I wasn’t me, and even before I had a chance to be judged by myself, for all the beings I hurt, I was judged by myself, for one particular being which I hurt the most - the being, which I hurt, and let down — I wasted life of that being. How could I.
I - the thing that left of me, screamed, and the scream was so intense, that it waked me up. It was morning.

The birds were singing, and I felt and smelled freshness of the early spring. The world outside was so green. I decided I’ll eat my yogurts, and I hugged my girl, and shared the morning with her. And I enjoyed the youth. I don’t know, if that morning ever passed.

The Path

I saw for a moment surrounding blueness and infinity, and then they said to me, that I should watch where am I walking, so I won’t trip on something. I listen their advice, and start walking on the path, which was smooth and obvious. It had no branches, just a few light turnings, it was dry and clean, and so trodden that I got the feeling, that for centuries no one step off it.

But I heard of some, who walk off this path, and they lost themselves in endlessness of dark and dangerous forests. I hoped so dearly, that something like that wouldn’t happened to me. I was walking for quite some time, in admiration and pride of the trails I was leaving in mud and patches of snow - which were situated in shadows of ancient trees. Path was dark and pastel, but I never raised up my look again, just like all those who were walking beside me, and those who were walking behind me, and those who catch me up, and those who I catch up - never raised their look up.

I loved some of them, without ever even looking their faces, and I was listening them, but never asked who they really are, and they never asked me, who I really am. We were talking only about our trails, and about path, which was common to all of us, and which was leading us to the same unknown destination. We were so proud of our steps, though they were melting away or were stumped all over - mutilated and erased. Just from time to time, we saw a miracle in dirty puddle, which was reflecting the blueness, so familiar to all of us, as we all saw it in a long forgotten beginning.

I was walking on the edge of the path, and slowly I walked off it, not that I would want that, not that I would even know when or how. I found myself alone in waste land, and there was no path ahead of me anymore, and there was no trails behind me, and fear was strangling and choking me, and solitude and silence ruled my world and accomplishing all of the steps, I cowardly took. I took an confused and frightened step, which resulted in slip and fall; and the pain and the darkness was in me even before I landed on the ground.

There was nothing anymore but the thought of the death, which lasted endlessly, until finally, weary of waiting the death to come, I open my eyes.

I was blinded for a moment, and then I saw something I didn’t saw since the very beginning of my life. It was that infinite blueness, painted with clouds, which glided so lightly and smoothly through the sky.

I was lying there and there was no want in me, for my eyes to see anything else, but this boundlessness, and the moment lasted for years, before the desire to stand up again, appeared.

When I stood up, I looked at the landscape through which I was walking for all my time, and I saw it so green, covered in spring, lighted by wonderful sunrise, full of trees, birds and butterflies and there - not so far from where I was standing - the river, blue as the sky itself, flowing into the infinite blueness of sea, which was merged with the sky.

In that moment I became aware, and I started to running - I was jumping all over, breathing, feeling my heart beat, running straightly, directed towards infinite water, which was calling me.

I arrived at the evening, when the moon was rising, so close that I could touch it, but yet so far, that I could never reach it, in the space that doesn’t exist.

And the night came, and the stars were twinkling, and I haven’t breath anymore, and I haven’t feel the beating of my heart and I haven’t saw through my eyes, and I haven’t felt on my skin. Now, the wind was carrying me into the unknown distances, over infinite sea, and I was the wind, and I was the sea and the stars.

Encounter

The tough day has finished. Everything I want to do now, is to lie down, to take a book and to read. I started to think about the content of it, can I comprehend it?

The sky is grey and the clock is showing almost three, it seems more though, seems like evening actually. Snowflakes are twirling in a soft but very cold wind, I like it, even though it’s very cold.

I’m at the parking place where only my car is parked, all around is emptiness. I think that’s strange, on another day and at the same time, this parking place would be totally full.

I drop those thoughts, as rage has arisen in me, because the car’s lock has failed again. Just in the moment, when my thoughts are the darkest, I see someone is approaching, and all the anger has melted away. I breath in and turn around, raise my head up to see the face of the person standing near me; it’s a girl, her face is pretty and so familiar, I know her but as usually I don’t know from where.

I recognize her in a moment, when she in question say my name. Actually, I more than just recognize her - the whole past, all moments we spent together flash in front of my eyes. I can’t understand why I haven’t recognized her at once.

“It’s seven years since that”, she just ended the summary of our last meeting, as we’re walking towards a Caffè. All the moments I spent with her, are now so alive in my mind, and I actually can’t believe so much time has passed.

The caffè is really nice, it’s warm and cosy and we’re almost alone in it. We’re sitting facing each other, and I can finally really look into her face. She has changed, but yet she’s the same. I realize that she has green eyes, and I wonder if I always knew that, or have I realized it just now.

I withdraw my look, and direct it through the window, where the passing car has just drawn a silhouette of an old man, which is hardly moving alone though the wind and snow. I look at her again, and now I see the smile on her face, the reason of which, I can’t explain to myself. After some moments her smile has faded away, I want to see it again so I try to smile, and I hope she’ll reflect it.

I have no idea how much time has passed, maybe an hour or two, or maybe even more? It’s completely dark outside. When I want to look through the window, I can see only clear reflection of myself and her in it. I try to understand the beauty of being, which is sitting in front of me. We were walking on similar paths, we were making similar decisions, and we believed and still do in similar things. We both see life through the same eyes: stars and mornings, snowflakes, warm tea, day dreaming, autumn leaves whirling in soft wind, fog colored by the light of the sunrise, life and love. All those magical things.

I’m not aware of time anymore, we’re outside now, the wind is blowing stronger, it has stopped snowing and the sky has cleared up. I don’t feel cold, as we’re standing in front of each other and saying goodbye. We’re looking into each others’ eyes, and we’re waiting for something to happen.

It was just couple of seconds maybe, though it seemed like an eternity.

Now I’m in the car, which stared moving slowly. In my thoughts it’s sill her last smile, and for a moment I feel like I’m not alone. The world starts to melt away, night lights, stars and the moon, they all merge into one, like they’d always be one.